1. Badmouth Ranch Dressing
In the Midwest, ranch isn’t just a dressing; it’s a lifestyle. You can put it on salad, pizza, French fries, chicken—you name it. So, if you have opinions like “Ranch is overrated,” maybe keep that to yourself. Otherwise, be prepared for some serious side-eye.
2. Refuse to Take a “Leftover” Plate Home
In the Midwest, food is love. If you’re at a gathering and refuse the inevitable offer to take leftovers home, you’ve practically declared war. They see it as an insult to their cooking skills and hospitality. So, do yourself a favor—accept the Tupperware, smile, and enjoy those meatballs later.
3. Fail to Bring a Dish to a Potluck
In the Midwest, potlucks are basically a religious ritual. Showing up empty-handed is the ultimate faux pas. Doesn’t matter if you’re short on time—just grab a store-bought pie or a bag of chips. The effort matters more than the dish itself.
4. Refuse a Beer (Especially if It’s a Local Brew)
This is sacrilege in a land where breweries are as common as cornfields. When offered a local beer, don’t turn it down. It’s more than just a drink—it’s a badge of pride. If you’re not into beer, at least accept it politely, take a sip, and let them think you’re enjoying it.
5. Complain About the Weather
Yes, it’s freezing, and yes, it’s probably snowing sideways. But Midwesterners are proud of their ability to endure whatever Mother Nature throws at them. Complaining about it (especially if you’re not from the area) will only get you an eye roll and maybe a sarcastic “Oh, really? Didn’t notice.”
6. Drive Too Fast (or Too Slow) in Winter
Nothing makes a Midwesterner’s blood boil like seeing someone driving like it’s summer when the roads are slick with ice. But drive too slow? That’s just as bad. The trick is knowing that sweet spot—fast enough to keep moving, slow enough to not end up in a ditch. Mess it up, and you’ll get that Midwest glare through the rearview mirror.
7. Assume They’re All Farmers
Listen, the Midwest may be famous for its farmland, but not everyone is tending to cattle or plowing fields. Suggesting otherwise can come off as both ignorant and dismissive of their diverse professions. If you want to get to know someone, maybe don’t start by asking how the crops are doing.
8. Make Fun of Their Accent
Sure, Midwesterners might throw in an extra “o” sound here and there, or call a drinking fountain a “bubbler,” but poking fun at it? That’s a quick way to their bad side. They don’t mind laughing at themselves, but being the butt of someone else’s joke? Not so much.
9. Skip Out Early on a Bonfire
If you’ve been invited to a bonfire, you’re expected to stay until the last ember burns out (or at least close enough). Ditching early suggests you’re not enjoying yourself, and let’s be honest—who leaves before the s’mores? It’s just bad form.
10. Show Up to Their House Unannounced
You might think dropping by for a surprise visit is spontaneous and fun, but in the Midwest, you’re treading on thin ice here, pal. Midwesterners value their personal space (and, let’s be real, they need time to make the house presentable). A little heads-up is all they ask—call it common courtesy.
11. Decline an Invite to “Go Up North”
“Going up north” is basically a sacred ritual, especially for folks in states like Wisconsin and Michigan. It’s where Midwesterners escape to their cabins and enjoy the great outdoors. If you’re lucky enough to get an invite, don’t say no lightly—it’s like turning down an all-access pass to a slice of their heaven.
12. Forget to Hold the Door Open
Manners mean everything in the Midwest. If you’re walking into a store or restaurant, and someone’s within 20 feet of you, you better believe you’re holding that door. Failing to do so is practically a crime against humanity. And if someone holds the door for you? You better say, “Thank you!”
13. Fail to Understand the Sacredness of “Goodbye” Rituals
Midwesterners are known for their long goodbyes. There’s the “we should get going,” followed by 20 more minutes of chatting, followed by the “let’s walk you out” phase, and finally, the “drive safe!” as you pull away. Trying to cut it short? You’ll be seen as rude and impatient. Just embrace it—it’s part of the charm.
