1. “Don’t You Dare Take the Last Piece of Food”
It’s an unspoken rule in the Midwest: nobody ever takes the last piece of pizza, casserole, or pie. Even if you’re starving, that lone piece sits there like a sacred offering. Someone might jokingly ask, “Who wants the last piece?” but don’t fall for it. The polite Midwesterner will decline, saying they’re “full” or “just had enough,” even if they haven’t. The only exception? If someone gives you explicit permission, then you’re safe to grab it.
2. “The Midwest Goodbye Takes at Least 30 Minutes”
Saying goodbye in the Midwest is not a quick affair. It starts with everyone standing up and casually mentioning, “Welp, we should probably get going.” Then you’ll chat by the door, move to the driveway, lean against the car for another conversation, and finally wave as the car backs out. Don’t forget the final wave once they’re driving away. If you leave in less than 30 minutes, you’re basically being rude.
3. “You Can Always Count on a Casserole”
Midwestern gatherings are not complete without a casserole. It’s the ultimate comfort food, combining random ingredients (often with tater tots or cream of mushroom soup) into one glorious dish. Whether it’s a funeral, potluck, or just dinner at Grandma’s, there’s a casserole for every occasion. Even if you don’t know what’s in it, you’ll eat it. And you’ll probably go back for seconds.
4. “Always Wave to Strangers When Driving”
In the Midwest, everyone waves at each other on backroads, country highways, and even in small towns. It’s not optional. Whether it’s the ‘one-finger lift’ off the steering wheel or a full-on hand wave, you acknowledge your fellow drivers. Not waving is practically a social offense, and you’ll leave people wondering, “Who raised them?”
5. “Weather Talk Is the Best Small Talk”
Midwesterners could get a Ph.D. in weather conversations. Talking about the weather isn’t just small talk; it’s a way of life. Whether it’s an upcoming snowstorm, a blistering summer day, or just that it’s “unseasonably warm,” you’ll find yourself deep in a weather breakdown. Bonus points if you add, “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity!” or “You don’t like the weather? Wait five minutes.”
6. “You Must Own a Pair of ‘Mowing the Lawn’ Shoes”
Every Midwesterner has a designated pair of old sneakers for mowing the lawn. These shoes are permanently green-stained and probably falling apart, but they’re too perfect to throw away. Even if they’re technically trash, they get the job done. Plus, once you’ve committed to mowing shoes, they stay in the garage forever.
7. “No Shoes in the House, Period”
Taking your shoes off at the door is non-negotiable in the Midwest. Tracking mud, snow, or dirt into someone’s house is borderline criminal. Most homes have a pile of shoes right by the entryway, and you’re expected to add yours to the collection. If you ignore this rule, you’ll get a look that says, “Were you raised in a barn?”
8. “The Super Bowl of Snow: Who Shoveled First?”
When it snows, Midwesterners engage in an unspoken competition: who’s the first to shovel their driveway? You’ll see neighbors out at 6 AM, snowblowers roaring, setting the standard for the rest of the block. If you’re late to the game, you’ll feel a weird sense of shame. Bonus points for helping shovel someone else’s driveway once yours is done.
9. “Hot Dish Is Not Just Food; It’s Tradition”
If you say “casserole” to a Midwesterner, they might correct you with “hot dish.” It’s basically the same thing, but calling it “hot dish” brings a sense of pride and tradition. Everyone’s grandma has her own recipe, passed down through generations, and it’s served at every gathering. Bonus points if it’s served in a 9×13 Pyrex dish.
10. “Garage Sales Are a Social Event”
Garage sales in the Midwest aren’t just about buying used items; they’re about catching up with neighbors and strangers alike. People will spend hours browsing old knick-knacks they don’t need, just to get a good chat in. Even if you leave empty-handed, you’ll know about someone’s grandkids, recent surgery, and upcoming vacation plans.
11. “Calling Soda ‘Pop’ and Being Proud of It”
Midwesterners don’t drink soda; they drink pop. If you dare call it soda, be prepared for a few raised eyebrows and a polite correction. It’s a badge of regional pride. Midwesterners are unwavering in their commitment to calling it pop, and they’ll gladly defend the term in any debate.
12. “Potlucks Require a Crockpot Contribution”
A Midwestern potluck without a Crockpot? Unheard of. Whether it’s chili, pulled pork, or meatballs, you’re expected to bring something slow-cooked and hearty. Crockpots are like honorary guests at these events, and there’s always an extension cord on standby to keep them warm. Bonus points if you use a decorative cover to transport it.
13. “Snow Days Are for Shoveling, Not Relaxing”
In the Midwest, a snow day doesn’t mean lounging in pajamas; it means bundling up and shoveling the driveway. Schools may be closed, but that’s no excuse to slack off. Parents, kids, and even pets get roped into clearing paths, making snow days more about hard work than relaxation. At least there’s hot chocolate waiting at the end.
14. “The Importance of Saying ‘Ope’”
“Ope” is the unofficial Midwestern word for any awkward or accidental situation. Bumped into someone? “Ope, sorry!” Dropped your keys? “Ope, let me grab those.” It’s a reflex, as natural as breathing for Midwesterners. If you don’t say “ope,” are you even from the Midwest?
15. “Bringing a Dish to Pass Is Mandatory”
If you’re invited to a Midwestern get-together, you’re expected to bring a dish to pass. Showing up empty-handed is practically a crime. It doesn’t matter if it’s store-bought potato salad or homemade brownies; you bring something to share. It’s not just polite; it’s part of what makes Midwestern gatherings feel like home.
