1. The U.S. as a Global Leader
America still talks like it’s the world’s moral compass and economic engine. But global trust in the U.S. has dropped, and its influence is increasingly challenged by rising powers like China and the EU. Domestic instability, polarization, and inconsistent foreign policy haven’t helped. Yet we keep acting like we’re the world’s default setting.
Climate change, public health, and tech regulation now demand global cooperation that the U.S. often resists or delays. Allies question American reliability after years of whiplash between administrations. Meanwhile, domestic issues undercut the image of competence and leadership. We want to be seen as the world’s role model—but we’re not leading by example.
2. Homeownership as the American Dream
For decades, buying a home was seen as the ultimate marker of success. But with housing prices skyrocketing, stagnant wages, and record-breaking interest rates, that dream is now out of reach for millions. First-time homebuyers are getting priced out of both urban and rural markets alike. Still, we’re fed the same advice about “saving for a down payment” as if it’s 1995.
Millennials and Gen Z are increasingly turning to long-term renting or moving in with family, not by choice but necessity. Housing inventory is tight, corporate landlords are buying up homes, and zoning laws make it hard to build affordable options. Despite all this, housing policy is still aimed at an ownership model that’s slipping out of reach. We’re pretending this is a personal failure rather than a structural one.
3. Affordable Higher Education
College used to be a launchpad to upward mobility. Now it’s more like a debt trap, with average student loan balances climbing into the tens of thousands. Tuition has far outpaced inflation for decades, while public funding for universities has been slashed. And yet, society still acts like a four-year degree is a surefire path to success.
Many students now question whether college is worth it at all, especially with trade jobs and tech bootcamps offering faster, cheaper routes to employment. Still, guidance counselors and parents push college like it’s the only respectable option. We talk about “investing in your future,” but it’s hard to feel optimistic when you’re drowning in interest payments. The old promise of higher ed just doesn’t hold up anymore.
4. Health Insurance Through Employment
Linking health insurance to your job is one of those American quirks that people outside the U.S. find baffling. It made more sense in the 1940s, but in today’s unstable job market, it’s a risky setup. Lose your job, and you could lose your healthcare—even during a medical crisis. Yet we act like COBRA and short-term plans are an acceptable safety net.
The pandemic exposed just how fragile this system really is. Millions lost coverage overnight due to layoffs, and many avoided care because of cost fears. Meanwhile, premiums and deductibles keep climbing even for those with “good” insurance. We keep propping up a system that was never designed for this kind of pressure.
5. Retirement at 65
For a long time, 65 was the magic number—retirement age, Medicare eligibility, the beginning of your golden years. But with rising life expectancy and underfunded retirement accounts, many Americans are working well past that milestone. Social Security payments alone can’t support most retirees, and pensions are increasingly rare. Yet the cultural narrative still suggests we should all be sipping cocktails on a beach by then.
In reality, older Americans are delaying retirement or going back to work out of necessity. Age discrimination in the workplace adds insult to injury, especially for those forced into lower-paying jobs. The idea of retiring with dignity is becoming less of a norm and more of a luxury. We’re clinging to a dream that fewer and fewer people can afford.
6. Nonpartisan News
Once upon a time, you could tune into the evening news and reasonably expect a shared version of reality. Now, media ecosystems are so fractured that Americans can’t even agree on basic facts. Algorithms feed us what we already believe, and opinion is often packaged as reporting. But we still pretend like “just watch the news” is neutral advice.
Cable networks openly cater to ideological bases, while trust in journalism has cratered. Local newspapers are disappearing, and national outlets often miss the nuance of local issues. People curate their information bubbles, making democratic discourse harder. We’re not all watching the same story unfold—we’re watching totally different genres.
7. Bipartisan Compromise
The idea that politicians from different parties can sit down, hash things out, and find middle ground is practically folklore at this point. Gridlock is the norm, and legislative “wins” are often executive orders or party-line votes. Yet Americans keep hoping for unity speeches and bipartisan photo ops like it’s still 1985. The system rewards conflict, not compromise.
Gerrymandering and primary challenges punish moderation, while social media amplifies outrage over nuance. Politicians perform for their base rather than negotiate with opponents. But we still get fed the myth that centrism is the default setting in America. The political center is shrinking, even as we pretend it’s the norm.
8. A Single, Full-Time Job Can Support a Family
There was a time when one income could support a household, buy a home, and send the kids to college. Now, even two working adults can struggle to keep up with housing, childcare, healthcare, and groceries. Wages have barely budged while the cost of living has exploded. But we keep using the same benchmarks for financial success.
Single parents and working-class families are often in survival mode, not building wealth. Yet budget advice still assumes you can easily “cut streaming services” to balance things out. People are working longer hours just to stay afloat, and financial stability feels out of reach. Pretending the math still works is doing more harm than good.
9. Civic Engagement Means Voting
Voting is important, but we’ve turned it into the only civic action that counts. With gerrymandering, voter suppression, and misinformation, even that feels increasingly powerless. Yet we tell people to “just vote” like that alone will fix systemic issues. It’s become a catch-all solution to deeply entrenched problems.
Activism, community organizing, mutual aid, and local government participation are all vital—but rarely emphasized. People are discouraged from engaging when they don’t see immediate results. Meanwhile, big decisions are often made by unelected bureaucrats or corporate lobbyists. Civic life has narrowed, even as we pretend it’s thriving.
10. The Middle Class as the Majority
The American middle class was once the backbone of society, economically and culturally. But now it’s shrinking, squeezed between rising costs and flat wages. Most people identify as middle class even if the math doesn’t back it up. We’re clinging to the label, even as the lifestyle slips away.
Ownership, savings, and job security are no longer standard. The wealth gap continues to widen, and upward mobility is slowing. Still, we build our politics and policies around the idea that most people are “middle America.” It’s more myth than reality at this point.
11. Equal Opportunity in Public Schools
The idea that every child has access to a quality education regardless of zip code is noble—but it’s not true. Public school funding is tied to local property taxes, which creates massive disparities. Some kids get iPads and art programs, while others struggle with broken textbooks and underpaid teachers. Yet we pretend all schools start from the same baseline.
The pandemic widened the gap even further, especially for students of color and those in rural areas. Standardized testing and outdated curricula don’t help either. Meanwhile, school choice policies are draining funds from public systems. The promise of equal opportunity is being hollowed out in plain sight.
12. Meritocracy
We love to believe that hard work and talent are all you need to succeed in America. But structural inequality, generational wealth, and discrimination often matter more than effort. College admissions scandals and corporate nepotism are just the tip of the iceberg. Still, the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” narrative persists.
It’s comforting to think we’re all on a level playing field, but that’s not reality. Success often depends on connections, timing, and sheer luck. When people don’t make it, we blame them instead of the system. The myth of meritocracy survives because it’s convenient—not because it’s true.
13. Law Enforcement as Public Servants
Police are supposed to protect and serve, but trust in law enforcement is declining, especially among marginalized communities. High-profile cases of brutality, corruption, and racial profiling have eroded public faith. Calls for reform or defunding are met with fierce resistance, even as misconduct payouts soar. Yet the “good cop” narrative still dominates.
Departments often lack transparency and accountability, with unions shielding bad actors. Community policing is more slogan than strategy in many areas. Despite growing evidence of systemic issues, we’re expected to treat these as isolated incidents. The public role of law enforcement is being questioned, but the institution resists change.
14. The 9-to-5 Workday
The traditional 9-to-5 job is quickly becoming a relic, but we still talk about it like it’s the gold standard. Between gig work, remote jobs, side hustles, and burnout-induced layoffs, the idea of a stable, full-time office job is fading fast. Many Americans now work multiple jobs or have flexible schedules that blur the line between work and personal time. Yet we still build childcare, healthcare, and even traffic patterns around this outdated model.
Despite this shift, there’s a stubborn nostalgia for “clocking in and out” like it ensures productivity or stability. Employers keep measuring productivity in hours rather than outcomes, which makes little sense in knowledge-based industries. Meanwhile, workers are logging more hours than ever—just not at a desk from 9 to 5. The norm has changed, but the policies and expectations haven’t caught up.
This post 14 American Norms That Are Actively Crumbling and We’re Just Pretending It’s Fine was first published on American Charm.
